Musings on life from the vantage point of living in the forest in Portland.
Whatever you can do, or believe you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. - Goethe
a friend committed suicide…..
I also read his farewell letter addressed to his children and parents, which helped me somewhat to understand his motive to step out. We all knew him as a glass-is-half-full person and he was aware of that, but somehow he struggled with a strong feeling of failure and missing talent against the bar he had set for himself, his image of the always positive person held him back on sharing this struggle with anyone. He had never shared it with anyone, neither his parents, his siblings or is closest friends. As he became more lonely after his divorce and did not find a new partner, he slowly but certainly closed himself up in his own thoughts and landed in a continuous inner dialogue with himself. Running long distance (he did a number of marathons in recent years), reading many books, cycling all by himself did not help of course but in fact made it worse until he could not stand it any longer on that day of January 26, when he decided to make an end to it. He was found 3 days later leaving everyone in shock. With words like “this letter feels like an old friend of mine…” and “I have never felt more at ease and comfortable as I am writing this letter…” he attempted to take away the worries of the reader. I, and I am sure many others, feel powerless knowing all of this after the fatal action as there is nothing I can do anymore. …..
This is from a letter of another friend who attended the funeral. I have been unsettled by his death.